When journalist Ted Jackson set out to do a story on homelessness, he never imagined he'd meet a former NFL player who'd made it to three Super Bowls. But there was unhoused Jackie Wallace, a former cornerback facing a long journey of recovery. After Ted wrote a story about Jackie, the two became good friends. But then, as the years passed, Jackie disappeared -- twice. Yet Ted refused to let Jackie slip away. This is the powerful story of their friendship.
Back From Broken is a show about how we are all broken sometimes, and how we need help from time to time. If you’re struggling, you can find a list of resources we've compiled at BackFromBroken.org.
Host: Vic Vela
Lead producer: Rebekah Romberg
Editor: Erin Jones
Additional producers: Jo Erickson, Luis Antonio Perez
Music: Daniel Mescher, Brad Turner
Executive producers: Brad Turner, Rachel Estabrook
Thanks also to Kevin Dale, Hart Van Denburg, Jodi Gersh, Clara Shelton, Matt Herz, Martin Skavish, Kim Nguyen, Arielle Wilson.
BackFromBroken.org
On Twitter: @VicVela1
Transcript
Vic Vela:
In 3, 2, 1.
Ted Jackson:
It was a hot afternoon in July. I had no assignments at the time, and my editor came in and he had seen a homeless camp under a bridge. And he thought, well, while you're not doing anything this afternoon, why don't you just go check it out? Nothing was expected from it. It was just, go check it out. See if it looks interesting to you.
Vic Vela:
Ted Jackson is a photojournalist. On this hot summer day in 1990, he was working for the Times-Picayune, a newspaper in New Orleans.
Ted:
So I headed down under the bridge. And the camp he was talking about was totally torn up. There was no one around, no homeless hanging around. It was just an empty spot. But that, you know, happens on these kinds of assignments. Just go check it out. So I was headed back to my car, and I literally almost stumbled over a man who was sleeping on a kind of a makeshift bed and a campsite there. It was very hidden in the spot where he was. But I was curious about the camp where I had just been, and so I shot a quick picture just because it was an unusual camp. It was very neat.
Vic:
That photo gives almost a bird's eye view of the man Jackson stumbled across. The ground is covered in seashells so small they look like gravel. And the man's wrapped in clear plastic and is laying on a piece of cardboard on top of a rusty old box spring. His shoes, with socks tucked carefully inside, sit intentionally near his feet. And next to that, a jug of water and a pile of folded laundry with the sports section of Ted's paper sitting crisply folded on top.
Ted:
And then I woke the guy up and I asked him if he knew what had happened to these other guys. And he told me what he thought had happened. But then he said, “You oughta do a story about me.”
Vic:
Hmm.
Ted:
And I asked him why, and he looked at me and he said, “because I've played in three Super Bowls.” You know, now he had my attention.
So I asked him, “Who are you?” And I remember him pulling out some sort of an ID. I don't know if it was a driver's license or some kind of a card, but he had it wrapped in some plastic and handed it up to me and I said, “Jackie Wallace.”
[SOUNDBITE FROM FOOTBALL GAME]:
Announcer #1:
[Crowd noise, cheering] The crowd of 80,000 settles back down again.
Announcer #2:
[Unintelligible] by Jackie Wallace. Wallace, right on top of it, had a [unintelligible].
Announcer #1:
He had made a tremendous hit on [unintelligible].
Announcer #3:
So far today, he's made two great defensive plays.
Vic:
Today, we'll hear a truly remarkable story about what led NFL star Jackie Wallace to a box spring under a highway overpass. With the help from his community and his new friend Ted Jackson, Jackie would make a comeback. But just like his playing days as a defensive back on the football field, his comeback story came with a few turnovers committed along the way.
I'm Vic Vela. I'm a journalist, a storyteller and a recovering drug addict. And this is “Back from Broken” from Colorado Public Radio. Stories of the highest highs, the darkest moments and what it takes to make a comeback.
Ted Jackson and Jackie Wallace have a special friendship these days. Before we even started our conversation, they were talking about – what else? Football.
Jackie Wallace:
And the big money that they're making now. God.
Ted:
Wasn't it the Saints’ Danny Abramowicz who was the first one to get a big contract?
Jackie:
Oh, Danny.
Ted:
Oh, Danny. He figured it out.
Vic:
This friendship was instrumental in Jackie's recovery and is a huge part of Ted's life. And it's been full of ups and downs. There's gonna be times in this episode when you'll think Jackie is all in the clear, just like Ted thought. But the unfortunate reality is addiction doesn't let go of people easily. So to understand Jackie's resilience, you need to get to know him a little better.
Jackie:
I got a Super Bowl trivia question for you.
Vic:
Okay.
Jackie:
There’s only one Super Bowl that the two defensive backs on one team had the same numerical number as the two wide receivers. Which Super Bowl was that, and what was the team?
Vic:
That's – I have no idea. What a great question though.
Jackie:
Okay. I'm gonna let you in on it. I played with the Vikings… [story fades out]
Vic:
Jackie Wallace loves football. He grew up in New Orleans in the 1950s and sixties and played at St. Augustine High School. He was a star player there and went on to the University of Arizona after. He was ultimately drafted by the Minnesota Vikings in 1973. He played six seasons as a cornerback in the NFL and earned quite the nickname.
Jackie:
They used to call me Headhunter.
Vic:
[Laughing] Why did people call you that?
Jackie:
Well, if you take your forearm, right? And I used to love to go against Dallas – ‘cause I'd take my forearm and put it right on that star. And that was the best way to knock guys out. And it was a real violent game back then.
Vic:
Yeah. It was a lot different. Yeah. Yeah.
Jackie:
I couldn't do it today.
Vic:
Yeah, no [laughing] no, you couldn't. But personally I'm glad you did it to some Cowboys players. [Laughing]
Jackie:
Oh, ain't nothing wrong with them Cowboys. They tryin’. They tryin’. All right.
Vic:
Jackie had a really good career going for him in the NFL. He was a starter in the Super Bowl for the Vikings following the 1974 season. And when he joined the Los Angeles Rams in the late seventies, he was one of the league's best punt returners. But the end of Jackie's career came abruptly in 1980. Jackie made it to his third Super Bowl as the Rams took on Terry Bradshaw and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
And that year you were – you had a pretty good season if I recall as a punt returner. Right?
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
But, but for whatever reason, the coaches didn't put you in that game.
Jackie:
Well I was up for contract. And back then you had to negotiate your contract. You couldn't just, you know, you just couldn't ask them for it. You had to show 'em on paper. And the thing I hated was that whole two weeks of practice, they had me back in the nickel everywhere. Everywhere that Bradshaw was throwing the ball, I would've been there. So I would have had a good resume to look up for a new contract. But they sent me on a bench and I got mad. I really got mad. [Laughter] I got really mad.
Vic:
How mad did you get? What happened after the game?
Jackie:
Well, you notice in the locker room, they don't go in the locker room after Super Bowl anymore. Right? They do all this celebration out there on the field. Right? Well, after the game I told a woman [unintelligible] the Rams, she could kiss my black A now. And I didn't play football anymore after that.
Vic:
Well, did you think at the time that would be your final NFL game?
Jackie:
No. No. Never.
Vic:
How did it feel when you realized your career was over?
Jackie:
I didn't realize that ‘til 20 years later. That's how, that's how devastating it was to me. All right? I couldn't figure out why I wasn't playing when I knew I could outplay everybody they had out there. Back then the New Orleans Saints had a real bad team, right? And I went and tried out for them and they said that I wasn't good enough to play for 'em and the saints had never had a winning season then. So, you know, I just said, “Okay, thank you.”
Vic:
And then about a year later after your last Super Bowl you lost your mom.
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
How did that affect you?
Jackie:
Well, my mother was the only person I really felt loved me. The only female that I knew loved me. I had been married and divorced in Tucson to a wonderful little woman by the name of Mary, but I still didn't feel she loved me. Right? So my mama, when she – when she passed, I had a cousin I went to and that's what I started my substance abuse. I wasn't drinking any – I wasn't drinking that much. Let's put it like that. ‘Cause everybody in New Orleans drank. And I started messing with crack cocaine, and that started me on a downward spiral.
Vic:
Jackie says his life in the 1980s was a vortex of darkness. When Jackie played in the NFL, he wasn't getting paid big bucks like a lot of players today. So he had to find a normal job and struggled to adjust to life without the structure of a football team. Over the next few years, his cocaine use escalated and he ended up without a home sleeping under highway overpasses until that summer day in 1990, when a man with a camera woke him up and started asking him some questions.
Jackie, do you remember that moment when Ted woke you up?
Jackie:
Yes I did because I was sleeping fairly, fairly well. I had washed my clothes the night before and I was sleeping really, really well, alright?
Vic:
[Laughing] What were you thinking when he showed up and started asking questions?
Jackie:
Well, my concern was because they had so many people sleeping underneath the overpass, right? And we – they were trying to count the United States census back then to see how many homeless people New Orleans had. And I was more concerned about that – to make sure they got the count right. Okay? But when Ted took the pictures and everything, I was just – you know, I was just amazed.
Ted:
That's when I went straight back to the Times-Picayune building and went straight to the sports department and asked what sounds, I know, was a foolish question standing in the middle of the sports department. I said, “Has anyone ever heard of a football player named Jackie Wallace?” And every head popped up and someone eventually said, “But no one knows where he is anymore.”
Vic:
Wow.
Ted:
And I said, “I think I know.”
Vic:
Ted worked with a sports reporter named Jimmy Smith who wrote a feature on Jackie. It was published in July of 1990, as part of Where Are They Now? series about local sports heroes. Ted says the response was immediate. People came out of the woodwork. Former teammates were heartbroken to learn what had happened to Jackie. And within a week of the story coming out, they found Jackie and took him to a rehab center in Baltimore.
Ted:
You know, looking back it's almost like Jackie struggles when he doesn't have his team around him.
Jackie:
Exactly. Exactly.
Ted:
And he had always had a team. You know, when you're, when you're a kid and you're good at sports, you develop this team and, and teams invite you. And this is the first time in his life he didn't have a team around him.
Jackie:
When that article came out on the front page, my father, my sisters and brothers – they didn't know where I was. They didn't know what was going on. ‘Cause I kept all that to myself. I pulled the wool from under them. Right? And like I said, they didn't know where I was and they didn't – you know, when that hit, that kind of embarrassed them. So that made me feel bad too, really made me feel bad. And you know how your family members are.
Vic:
Yeah. Well, gosh, but at least you were given a chance that you didn't have before and people were rallying to your support the way Ted described.
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
How did it feel like getting that kind of support from the community after everything that you had gone through?
Jackie:
Well, it felt wonderful. The best thing that happened when we went to Baltimore and it was the first time I ever heard about a thing called addiction rehab, AA, NA. And once I started hearing that and everything else, it was like a whole new brand of life. A whole new brand of living. And I got back to that team thing because the AA meetings that I helped chair in Baltimore, and the NA meetings was just like a football team. They all – we all had the same goal: stay sober, no matter what.
Vic:
That's a really good point, Jackie. It's the community aspect that helps everyone. Right.
Jackie:
And you also know too, that when you’re around your AA friends and NA friends, they can see when you're not doing any – something right. Yeah. The 12 step – they'll let you know.
Vic:
With a new team around him, Jackie thrived in Baltimore. He met a woman named Deborah and they got married. Ted and Jimmy Smith even flew out to visit for a follow up story in 1995. And on every Thanksgiving day, Jackie would give Ted and Jimmy a call to thank them for changing his life. But on Thanksgiving 2002, Ted never got that phone call. And he didn't get one the next year either.
Ted:
I thought, you know, maybe – people move on, people change things…
Vic:
Mm-Hmm.
Ted:
…You know, have distractions or whatever. But I remember calling Jimmy, or maybe it was the next time I saw him in the newsroom, and I said, “Did you hear from Jackie this year?” And he said no. And I said, “We need to find out what's going on.” And so we made the connections with Deborah and she told us that he had dropped off the map again. And that, that's how we found out.
Vic:
After 12 years of sobriety in Baltimore, Jackie was missing. Ted was absolutely crushed.
Ted:
You know, I can talk about my devastation with Jackie's relapse through my professional life and my personal life. But it was, it was crushing to me because I felt like – I felt like because of those phone calls every year that he was no longer just a subject of a story. He was a friend now. And we had crossed over from that journalism veil. And so that was devastating to know that not only had he crashed again, he was right back where I had found him under the bridge, you know, somewhere. And that there was no way I could find him. That was the hard part. No way to find him.
Vic:
So, Ted, when did you decide to go look for Jackie again, and how did you do it?
Ted:
You know, it nagged me. I would see the guy on the corner with you know, “I work for food” or “need help” or, you know, whatever, on the cardboard. And I would scour that face. And every time I was around a homeless camp, I would scour the faces. We did lots of stories in homeless shelters. And I would ask everybody I knew, even the homeless, if they knew the name Jackie Wallace.
But the real moment came when I had an assignment for the Times-Picayune nola.com to – we came up with the idea to spend the night in one of the homeless shelters here in New Orleans, the New Orleans Mission. We went in just like a homeless person would. And we went through the intake and everything. It was very disturbing to me this time, because whenever I talked to someone, I would ask if they knew Jackie. Nobody even knew the name. And that night laying in the bunk with my cameras wrapped up around my pillow so no one would take them from me [chuckles] I kind made a pact with God.
I said, you know, I need to get serious about this. I need to know. And frankly, I thought Jackie was dead. I thought he might be in prison. But I needed to know. I needed to find out what had happened. And so that was the night. I went back to my newsroom. It may have been a week or so later when our editor proposed that every photographer come up with a story idea. And Jackie was my idea. I want to find Jackie again. And that, that was a huge moment. I got the time, not only in my personal time, but in my professional time, to knock on doors and to use resources and to track him down. It still took a long time.
Vic:
What happened to Jackie – after the break.
Ted Jackson spent years worrying about what happened to Jackie Wallace after he disappeared in 2002. But when Ted's editor gave him the go-ahead on a story about finding Jackie, things picked up. Ted started working with other journalists in his newsroom to piece together various clues. And finally, one day in 2017, Ted had a lead. He went to an apartment complex to see what he could find.
Ted:
So when I walked up in the front yard, there was a man sitting in a chair. And I figured that if I asked, you know, do you know the name, Jackie Wallace? Do you know who he is? And I figured I'd look like a cop. Right? [Chuckle] And so I simply said, “I'm looking for an old friend.”
And he said, “Oh yeah, who is that?”
And I knew when I said the name – if I saw his eye flinch, then he would know something. And when I said, “Jackie Wallace,” it's exactly what happened.
Vic:
Wow.
Ted:
And he looked me over and he just kind of motioned to the door. He said, “door on the right.”
And just at that moment, the door opened. And this big guy sticks his head out. And he yells – he says, “What are you telling that man about me?” [Laughter] Yep.
Vic:
That's amazing.
Ted:
I said – I said, “Are you Jackie Wallace?” And I knew it was ‘cause I could see his face.
And he said, “Who wants to know?”
[Laughter] And I said, “When I tell you, you're gonna smile.” I said, “I'm Ted Jackson.” And he broke into the biggest grin. He bearhugged me. It was a wonderful moment. And we took a selfie on the cell phone and I sent it to my editor and I said, “Look who I found.”
Vic:
Wow.
Ted:
And we were back off to the races. It was like, you know, it was always still there.
Vic:
That's incredible. Jackie, is that how you remember it as well? What was it like giving Ted a bearhug right then?
Jackie:
Well, it was uplifting to see somebody that truly cared and didn't want – want anything from you. Just wanted to see that you were okay. ‘Cause you know, once you go down that path, you be around the cutthroats. You be around the people that always want something from you. Right? And one of the things I found out through Ted is it enhanced my belief in Jesus Christ. It enhanced my belief that God is helping you. Any time you go to God in action – and I always call Ted he's a great Christian. ‘Cause he shows what unconditional love is, no matter what. And that's the thing that I had lost with my mother. And that's the one thing that the crack cocaine could not take away from me. And you know how devastating that drug is, right?
Vic:
Yeah. I do Jackie. All – all too well. And just to catch listeners up in terms of where you were, you know, all those years that Ted was looking for you. You had a bad fight with your wife Deborah, right?
Jackie:
Yes.
Vic:
And it all went away, right? You were out using again for, for many years.
Jackie:
Well, what I did – I left Deborah. And Baltimore had bridges too. So I went back underneath the underpass. Matter of fact, right down from the NFL office. The NFL used to send out checks from a place on North Charles Street. I was like, two or three blocks away from that. So, you know, yeah. I went back to familiar surroundings alright. And you knew about the addiction. You could always be able to find, you know, those type of people.
Vic:
You know, Jackie, that brings up a good point. Let me just ask you about that addiction right now ‘cause you and I get it, but it could be hard for people who don't know what it's like to struggle with addiction to understand how relapses can happen over and over. Right? Like it just, for a lot of us, it happens. What would you say to those people to help them understand?
Jackie:
Well, I was talking to Ted about that – what, last year sometime – about if I wanted to eat a German chocolate piece of cake. And I know I'm not supposed to have it. Sooner or later that German chocolate cake is gonna take over my desire unless I do the right things. With us in NA and AA, we have to constantly do the 12 steps. We have to constantly have our sponsors on top of us. And when they see a slip in us, bring us back to what step you're working. You know how that goes, right?
Vic:
Mm-hmm.
Jackie:
And you know, that's the thing that I'm finding out. I can put it on a term that they can understand. With Ted, it was – what, what you said you used to like to eat, Ted?
Ted:
Oh, my Coca-Colas and my sugar and my chocolate.
Jackie:
Yeah. Yep. I said, same difference. Same difference.
Vic:
Yeah. What I tell people, like, you know, imagine the one thing you absolutely want to do is the one thing you absolutely cannot do.
Jackie:
Right. Right. Right.
Vic:
And when I try and put it in those terms, I think people can understand just how huge of a chore that is to stay sober.
Jackie:
Right, right. Yeah.
Ted:
Vic, I’d like to speak to that just briefly, because I've never been addicted to crack cocaine. Right? And so I remember going into the New Orleans Mission one day to talk to the chaplain there who I thought could help me understand what withdrawal was like and what, you know, being in rehab was like. And he sat down with me and was very patient. And I asked that question, you know, can you please describe what that's like, because I have never been addicted to anything. And he looked at me and said, “oh really?”
Jackie:
Mm-Hmm.
Ted:
He said, “Check your closets.” I will never forget that. And he helped me understand that everybody has something like that. You know, can you imagine yourself staying up with Jackie's sobriety, staying off of chocolate for as long as Jackie is sober. I think that's what I learned most through Jackie is what absolute hell addiction is. And how he struggles with it. That it's not a choice that he eagerly bounds back into, but it's a slip. It's a fall. It's a mistake that all of us make every single day in our own little struggles. It's the same process.
Vic:
Oh, I'm so glad you put it in terms that a lot of people can understand Ted. ‘Cause you, you put it nail on the head. It is just a living hell that is inexplicable often to try and tell people.
Let's go back to the story, Ted, and where you – after you found Jackie and you went to go write the follow up story. You know, this was supposed to be a feel-good story. Right? You found him after all these years. But what happened when the piece was about to be published?
Ted:
It was, it was amazing. What a joy it was to sit down with Jackie, and for him to tell his story to me and do the interviews and fill in the gaps that I had missed – those 12 years missing – and to be able to put that together. My editors were thrilled. They were excited. And so I finished the story. And I had asked Jackie if there was anything – I think I left his apartment one day. I said, “Is there anything I can bring you when I come back?”
And he says, “I need a print of that photo you took of me under the bridge.” He said, “I need that to remind me of where I was and how I'm never going back to that.”
And I, you know, was eager to do that for him. And I said, “How big do you want it?”
And he stretched his arms out. He said, “this big.”
And so I finished the story. And I think it was a 16 by 20 print. And then I went and had it framed. So I called him up and asked him when I could bring it over. And he didn't answer the phone. That's not unusual. Jackie, you know, sometimes needs his time. Sometimes he answers the phone. Sometimes he doesn't, and that's no big deal. So I just kept calling days after day. And finally I decided, just ride over and knock on the door. He'll be there. And when I knocked on the door, there was no answer, no sound, no movement, nothing. And I looked at the door next to his apartment, and it was open. And a guy was inside. And I just stuck my head in – kind of tapped on the door. I said, “Excuse me, I'm looking for my buddy Jackie.”
And he said, “Oh, he moved out.”
And now I panicked. I jumped on the phone again and started calling and texting. And I remember texting, “Jackie I've got something for you. Can I bring it by? Can I bring it to you? Where are you?”
He said, “Bring the picture by my girlfriend's house.”
And I said, “No, I need to see you. Are you okay?”
And that's when he answered, “No.”
I went by his girlfriend's house at the time to see what she could tell me. And she told me what had happened, that he had disappeared again. And so I was devastated. Once again, that word is back. And I went to my editor. Her door was open, and I just walked in the door and leaned on the doorframe. And I said, “You won't believe what happened.”
And she said, “What?”
And I said, “Jackie's missing again.”
And she looked at me, and I looked at her, and we just kind of stared in disbelief. And I will never forget the words that she said, though. Thinking as a, you know, an editor and a journalist, she said, “Write it. Write it just like it happened.”
Vic:
Hmm.
Ted:
And so we tore up the last page of the story and rewrote it to include this part of it. They decided to run the story on Super Bowl Sunday.
Vic:
After the story was published in 2018, readers were interested in helping Ted find Jackie. He got emails and phone calls with leads on Jackie's whereabouts. But the most promising tip came from someone you might not expect. This time Jackie decided he was ready to reconnect with his friend.
Ted:
My wife and I were sitting on the couch, eating dinner, watching TV, and my phone buzzed. And I looked down and it was Jackie's girlfriend who said, “Jackie wants you to call him. Here's his new number.”
And I literally jumped off the couch like a cat on fire. And I looked at [unintelligible] and I said, “It's Jackie.” And I called him and went to my back porch. And we talked and, you know, he apologized. And I said, “Jackie, I need to see you. I need to see that you're okay. Not just hear you saying it.”
And so he said, “Meet me at this address.”
That's when I got to tell him what had happened. I said, you won't believe what has happened with this story. I got phone calls and emails by the thousand – people saying, now I understand what's going on with my brother or my son or my father. I get it now. And I had no idea it would have that kind of response, none at all. But to see the response was absolutely crazy. It became the most-read story in the history of the Times-Picayune, which blew my mind.
Vic:
Wow. Ted, I remember very well. Like, I'm a journalist too. I've written and I've read many, many stories over the 20 years of my career. And I read your story on Super Bowl Sunday in 2018, the day it went out, and it was one of the most remarkable pieces of journalism I’d ever read. And I was so profoundly moved by it. And I want to ask you about one part in particular, which was the end.
Ted:
Yeah.
Vic:
Where his girlfriend talks – you know, about how Jackie, he had a three year sober coin, but he left it behind. And that will always get me. And it made me think of my own struggles and how hard it is to stay sober every day. But then also it made me think about the friends that I've lost who also, you know, would rack up, you know – here's a, here's another coin. Here's another two years. Here's another three years, and all of a sudden they're gone.
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
Why do you think this story connected with so many readers all over the world?
Jackie:
I really believe it connects because you're either in those shoes or you have a relative or somebody that you're trying to, that you love – and you trying to say, why do he keep going back to the same old train? Alright? So it fits both sides of the coin. It fits the people that's using and the relatives of the people that's using. Because they know that that's not their brother or their sister or their relative. That's why it hits so hard.
Vic:
Jackie, what was it like hearing from Ted that your story had just generated worldwide attention?
Jackie:
Well, what I got tired of hearing is all my buddies that I was out there with: “Yeah. Jackie, they looking for you, I'm gonna go make that money.” [Laughter] And you know, I was just laughing, you know, but it made me feel real, real good. Real, real good. And that I could get better. And I had that many people loving me. ‘Cause really my addiction came through by one woman dying. That was my mother. And to have all these other people, you know, caring about me, did a wonderful thing to me. You know? So it made my character a lot better where I wasn't beating myself up or anything else like that.
Ted:
Jackie – I still don't think Jackie understands how many people out there love him. Absolutely love and adore him because he keeps trying. He keeps pulling himself back. He keeps wanting to do the right thing.
Vic:
Yeah. And you know, there are some people who don't understand addiction and they just want to shake their son or whoever and say, well – what, why aren't, why are you doing this? Why does this keep happening? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You know, have you relapsed over the years? Of course. I look at it through a different lens. This is someone who refuses to give up on himself.
Jackie:
Right, right.
Vic:
Hey Jackie, I was curious, you know, every time you drop off the map, you would cut off contact with Ted. Why did you feel like you would have to do that?
Jackie:
You ever watch the movie “Star Wars”?
Vic:
Of course.
Jackie:
You'd see when Darth Vader would get into his egg and not want to see anybody and not wanna do? That's what it's like. Yeah. I don't want be bothered with anybody ‘cause I know I'm not on the right side and I wanna stay away from him. Alright? I get into my own little dark world and let it go like that. That's basically what it's about.
Vic:
Yeah. I can relate to that, you know? I remember one time I was smoking crack alone on my birthday and everyone's calling me and I shut off my phone. Not only did I shut off my phone, I hid my phone under my bed.
Jackie:
[Laughter] Yes. Yes.
Vic:
So I wouldn't even have to look at it.
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
Right. And I didn't want that reminder at that time that people were thinking of me.
Jackie:
Right.
Vic:
Right. And, and that's a very painful thing to go through.
Jackie:
Yes it is. Yes it is.
Vic:
Ted. You know, you're at it from the other end of the spectrum of this disease. What advice would you give to people who have a loved one who is still struggling with addiction?
Ted:
The problem is, you know, as addicts continually disappoint their loved ones, it wears their family down. It's like trying to save a drowning man. They're fighting you the whole way. It's hard. But trying to grasp your own addictions as simple and as innocent as they may sound and seem, try to understand it in the same context of, can you control it? Then you start to understand how powerful this one is. You don't tell the person who failed on their diet to give up.
Vic:
Yeah.
Ted:
And you don't rush 'em outta the house and say, I never wanna talk to you again. No. You say we'll start again tomorrow. We're gonna, you know, do what we can to help. Not enable, but to help.
Vic:
Yeah. What a compassionate way to look at it. Jackie, what advice would you give to people who are struggling with addiction right now?
Jackie:
Pray. Get into one of these programs, AA, NA. Get you a good sponsor. And do what them people tell you to do all the time.
Vic:
Jackie Wallace remains passionate about telling his story to help others. Jackie and Ted still live in New Orleans. And after reconnecting, Ted worked with Jackie to write a book about this story. It's appropriately titled, “You Ought to Do a Story About Me.”
“Back from Broken” is a show about how we are all broken sometimes and how we need help from time to time. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you could find a list of resources at our website backfrombroken.org.
And hey, this is actually our final episode of season three. I can't tell you just how much your support of this podcast means to me. Thank you so much for listening and thank you to our guests for sharing their extraordinary stories. And please share these stories with people who could use them.
“Back from Broken” is hosted by me, Vic Vela. It's a production of Colorado Public Radio's Audio Innovation Studio and CPR News. Our lead producer today was Rebekah Romberg. Find a list of all the folks who worked hard to make this episode in the show notes. This podcast is made possible by Colorado Public Radio members. Learn about supporting “Back from Broken” at cpr.org.
